Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Getting Out

What getting out of Mattituck meant for me was different than what it meant for anyone else. It was not so much the place, as the state of mind. I have many friends who have gotten out of Mattituck, only to stay intextirably linked to their former selves, their parents ideals, their homegrown fondness for corn. For keeping up with the Joneses, even if the Joneses in Mattituck might be a little more low key than Manhattan or Manhasset Joneses. They may have moved miles, but their heads are still buried in the sand, both figuaratively and literally. So, living back on Long Island and having to endure their mock sympathy...their unknowingness that their heads are where they are...is really fucking annoying.

In Mattituck there is a Democractic bent that sits. A Democratic bent that knows that it has laurels to rest on. And forever will so help me god and Amen. A clash of religion and what's really in the heart.
And it paints a Jesus picture--has to do with being a "real Christian". Has to do with doing the right thing, as long as I can take periodic vacations with my dispendable income. As long as I have a few J Crew sweaters and my slipppers are also from J Crew. Not without MY baby! Not without TWO for ten dollars. NO!
Mattituck (and I specify this place because it is where I grew up) is perceived as a microcosm of the whole world. As with one, so must be with the other, right? There's a nationalism involved, even though it's just a speck of a town.
The whole idea of being a “nationalist” is fine–as long as if that’s you, you agree to admit that it makes you an asshole and that by doing so you renounce your religion. You spit on it. You in effect say “Fuck the whole caring for everyone thing”. As long as you don’t call yourself Christian, or Jewish, or a man of spiritual nature....and also a nationalist. Because: the NIMBYism is repulsive. It slides its way into everyone's mentaility. The "I'm better than..." is so repulsive because, for all it's protracted effort, the result is rarely more than mediocre. Nice try, Tucker!
You can’t decide to completely shun the main message of you religion but also quote Biblical lines down to the nitty-gritty, inciting them when it serves you even as you’ve already discarded there major lessons.
For all the million things I hate about the town I now live in, close to my hometown but on the other side of the tracks, at least it has no fucking clue what it is. It doesn't try to be something it's not. I've always been a fan of "If you don't try, then you can't fail", which is to my own detriment, but sometimes effort is worse.

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